you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
