we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
