I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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