Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
