What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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