so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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