I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
