JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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