There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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