i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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