you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
