I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
