paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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