he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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