I am spending my child support on dildos
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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