I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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