I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
