Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
