I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
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