Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
