I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
