I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
50% drunk capacity currently
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
