We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
