i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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