That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
