Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
