last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize