Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
