After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
