I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was confusing and full of hummus
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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