Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
