In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He kissed a someone with a penis
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
