Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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