im holly from the hills drunk
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
