break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize