you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
