I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize