Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
