I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
