hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
