WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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