I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i would punch a child for taco bell
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
