You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
