So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Randomize
