just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
