So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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