hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
