Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize