Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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