There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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