I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
