Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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