tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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