shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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