I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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