? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize