"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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