Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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