Don't you send me to vm
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize