your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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