she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
