I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize