Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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