last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
