dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
