You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize