I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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