She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
