The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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