First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
