his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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