Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
