I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
