I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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