so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i believe in u and ur pee
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