Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
