did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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