yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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