if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I need to wash the frat house off of me
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
