I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
