hotel room ftw
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
operation harelip BJ is a go
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
