i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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