Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
