Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
