It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize