My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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