the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
