I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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