1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
