but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
