Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
