So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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