I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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