i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
