Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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