i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Boobs speak an international language.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize