Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
