and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
