Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
