New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
