Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
