hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
