What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
