i can't believe i had my finger in that
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize