omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
