How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You made out with two different species that night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
