best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
