Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
