That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
