Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize